Align: start( Dean Martin’s “Ain’t That a Kick in the Head? “) How luck can one person be? I kissed her, and she kissed me Like the fella formerly said Ain’t that a kick in the brain? The room was entirely black I hugged her, and she hugged back Like the sailor replied, quote Ain’t that a pit in the barge? My psyche prevents spinning I go to sleep and keep grinning If this is the beginning My life is gonna be beautiful I’ve sunshine enough to spread It’s just like the fella supposed Tell me quick Ain’t that a kick in the manager?( menacing music)( all wailing) Ain’t that a kick in the manager? So am I going to get the karate pajamas, too– Quiet! The student only expresses when spoken to.
Line: 0% Is that understood? Uh, yes. -Yes, sir? -You will always address me as “Sensei, ” is that understood? Yes, Sensei. These aren’t pajamas. This is a gi. And you’ll get one when you’ve earned it. All right, are you ready to begin your education? Yes, Sensei. -What the– -Hyah!( groans) Lesson one, strike firstly. Never wait for the enemy to attack. You could have gave me, like, a warning.
Align: start Quiet! We do not train to be merciful here. Mercy is for the weak. Here on wall street, in competition, a mortal confronts you, he is the opponent. An foe deserves no compassion. What is the problem, Mr. Diaz?( weakly) There’s no problem, Sensei. You punched me, and I have asthma, so … Not anymore. We do not allow weakness in this dojo. So you can leave your asthma and your peanut allergies and all that other made-up bullshit outside. Is that understood? Yes, but those are real medical problems. I was– Yes, Sensei, understood. Cobra Kai isn’t just about karate. It’s about a way of life. Take that first lesson. Striking first is the initial step towards victory.
Line: 0% Okay, like when you’re at “states parties ” -and you check a hot babe. -Yeah. You don’t wait for some other guy to go talk to her first, do you? I signify, I’ve never been to a party, so … Big-hearted surprise. All right, look … striking first is about being aggressive, all right? If you’re not aggressive, then you’re being a pussy, and you don’t want to be a pussy. You want to have projectiles. Don’t you think you’re doing a lot of genderizing? -What? -Oh, uh, sorry. Don’t you think you’re doing a lot of genderizing, Sensei. No, what the hell are you talking about? Oh, uh, my counseling consultant said today certain terms perpetuate the sexist world view that can trigger– Quiet! From now on, you won’t listen to your guidance counselor.
Align: start You’re going to listen to me. Is that understood? -Uh, yes, Sensei. -Good. Now stop yapping like a little girl and gives people 50 push-ups on your knuckles. Uh, okay. Yeah. Okay, okay.( breaths crisply) All right, merely do some crunches. Don’t you have gym class or something? Yeah.( door buzzers jingle) Howdy, there, Mr ., uh, Lawrence? -It’s Sensei. -Miguel, shut up. What brought you in? Gazing to lose that intestine and learn how to kick some ass? No. I’m from the city health department. This is a list of requirements needed to open up training exercises studio. This isn’t an exercise studio.
This is a karate dojo. Yeah, same deal. Wow. This home needs a lot of work. You’re not open for business, are you? You, you a client here? No, that’s just an illegal I picked up this morning. He’s helping me put together. I don’t need to know about all that. My job is fair to make sure this home is up to code. You don’t want a scabies outbreak like that hot yoga home over on Tujunga. Wait, so I have to do all this turd before I even open? No, you need to do all that to get the certificate that’s requirements to get the insurance you need to open.
Align: start But you knew that when you signed your lease, right? Right, yeah. I’ll drop in next week for another inspection. Huh, cool rattlesnake. It’s a cobra. Oh, right, duh. I’m such an idiot. Cobra “Kay.”( entrance bells jingle)( laid-back music)( indistinct chattering)( crowd oohs)( gunfire, hollering on tablet) Hey, bud, hey. Why don’t you check out that sorcerer over there? He’s doing some pretty amazing tricks. -I’m on level 10. -All right, go up. All right, you could play that game anywhere.
Align: start How about we hit some hoops? I’ll win you a prize. I’m thirsty. All right, great, there’s a saloon privilege over there. Let’s take a walk, we’ll get a couple of sodas. Nah, I’m good.( gunfire, screaming on tablet) You know, I would have killed to visit a association like this when I was his age. You know where I had to hang out in the summer? On a filthy street in Newark– With a busted fire hydrant next to your Aunt Tessie’s. Yeah. What do you say we let Anthony play with his thing and you and I get a couple sips? -( sighs) Dirty martinis? -Yes, ice, ice coldnes. Perfect. -LaRussos! -Hey. Hey, you still kicking that competitor? You know it, Isaiah.
Align: start -How’s the Q5 treating you? -Wouldn’t know. This one over here’s been behind the wheel all month, going back and forth to robot camp. Dad, it’s an AP physics prep track. -Mm-hmm. -Hey, where’s Samantha? I feel like I haven’t seen her all summertime. -Oh, she’s–she’s– -She’s with her granny. But I’ll tell her that you said hi. -Great. -Later, LaRussos. Bye. Lady: Here are your boozes. With her granny? Yeah, right. Lately I can’t get her to call my mama, -let alone inspected her. -What am I supposed to say? That she’s hanging out with her new friends? All I know is she should be here. We come to this party once a year.
Align: start She gets to see her stupid pals every day. Someone’s in a climate. What’s going on with you? Nothing, I’m fine. All right, all right. You remember that … that guy from my senior high school whose vehicle I fixed for free? Yeah, the blonde reasonably boy that you beat in that tournament. Actually, I never remember calling him “pretty.” -Oh. -But anyway … I’m driving home from operate yesterday, and I pull up to a stoplight, and I search, and in this shopping plaza, I see that he’s got– Dad, where the hell is my beverage? Hurry up. You just knowing that? I’m going to hurled him in the goddamn pond. Okay.( door buzzers jingle-jangle) Gazing good. Build sure you get both sides. And after you’re done with that, you can take care of these uncovered wires.
Align: start That’s going to be a lot of work. Yeah, but what does any of this have to do with karate, Sensei? Do not question my techniques. Only be thankful you’re not a sumo wrestler. Those people have to mop their Sensei’s fools.( bottle cap clinks) So, I, uh, see you were a karate champion, Sensei. You don’t have to call me “Sensei” each time. I’m sorry, Sensei. I, um, sorry, I’m sorry. Eh, I won a couple All Valley tournaments. Didn’t lose a single phase my junior year.
Align: start All right. What happened your senior time? This isn’t 20 doubts. Get back to scrubbing. -Yeah. -( electronic music on telephone) Where the hell is that garbage coming from? -That’s me, sorry, yeah. -You hear that? Hey. Yeah, uh, debate is lead a little late. Uh, okay. Love you too. Don’t tell me you have a girlfriend.( chuckles) That was my momma, actually. Um, I told her I joined the debate crew because she doesn’t approve of violence, so…
Size :8 1% Yeah, what about your daddy? Is he okay with you get your ass kicked up and down Reseda Boulevard? Oh, I never, uh, genuinely knew my dad, so … All right, well, stop standing there. Get back to develop. Okay, yeah, sorry. Okay. And change that ringtone. Get some Guns N’ Climbs or something. What’s Guns N’ Roses? I’m going to feign you didn’t say that.( upbeat electronic music)( girls giggling) Whoo! Okay, you were totally right. This is so much fun. Told you. Always better to be the one shedding the party. And Kyler’s been eye-banging you all day. -What’s all this? -I have no idea.
Align: start Hey, Rory, do your flip-flop again. I want to get it for my canal. -Whoo-hoo! -( all cheer) Girlfriend: Yes, Rory!( laughing)( applauding continues) Hey, hey, what the hell is going on here? Oh, shit. All right, everybody get out of here right now. I’m so sorry, Dad.
Align: start I had no idea you were going to be home earlier today. It doesn’t make a difference what time I get home, Sam. You think we want a bunch of strangers in the backyard making a mess? They’re not strangers. They’re my friends. Some friends. Is he wearing my bathing suit? Wait, is common to you guys wearing my bathing suits? All right, listen, party’s over, let’s go. Take the dress off and leave. No , not out here, genius. In the pool mansion. Daniel, can I talk to you inside? Yeah, did– Daniel: Uh , no, I’m not behaving irrationally. I’m acting like a responsible mother who cares about his child. Okay, we both care about our kid.
Align: start I only don’t think embarrassing Sam in front of her friends is helping subjects. I don’t like these new friends. It’s not like Samantha. Why can’t she be at robot camp with Aisha? Because she doesn’t want to be a geek. Look, I remember exactly what he was like being part of a clique that other kids built fun of. Believe me, girlfriends can be really cruel.
Listen, I know a thing or two about cruel, okay? I was pushed off a cliff on my motorcycle. There’s nothing wrong with Sam wanting to be popular. Popular is fine. I just don’t want her is transformed into one of these privileged Encino brats. Neither do I. But keep throwing her friends out of the house.
See where that get you with your relationship with your daughter. -( toilet reddens) -Whoo! Skinny plunges and bong rips.( shudders) Whoa, oh, you’re that banzai person on those commercials.( inhales) Wait, where did everybody travel?( calm music)( sighs)( sighs) Wish you were here to give me some of that Miyagi wisdom right now. -Hai. -Hai. Hyah! -I did it! -Good job, kiddo. Now, if anybody sees for me, I’ll kick their butt. Well, always remember our first lesson, you.
Align: start This is for self-defense simply. True karate is here. -It’s here, but never here. -My tummy? Yeah, something like that. Get over here, you.( grunts) But never give up your defense. Beware of the spinning hug move! Ah! Daddy! I needed here of you bitches to pick me up for academy tomorrow. How is your automobile still not ready? My daddy is get me a brand-new one.
He felt bad about that “deer” that jacked up the Range Rover. You make a deer? No, Moon, she rear-ended that guy’s vehicle. Oh, yeah, right. I’m still kind of freaked out about it. I feel guilty about merely driving away. From that meth-head zombie? If I hadn’t gunned it, we’d be chained up in his basement right now. Daniel: Sam, you got a sec? Oh, I didn’t know you were talking to your friends. -I-I’ll come back. -No, just wait a second. Uh, yeah, I can pick you up in the morning, yes. Oh, good. -I just wanted to say– -No, appear, Dad …( sighs) I’m really sorry about today. I shouldn’t have just invited everyone over without asking you and Mom first.
Align: start Well, maybe I overreacted a little. Maybe more than a little, okay? Just have those guys deliver their own trunks from now on, okay? Deal. So these guys … Anyone I have to worry about? -You don’t have to worry, Dad. -( laughters) But there is this one guy, Kyler. He and I have been texting a bit. Texting. Right. Just terms, though? What do you mea– Oh, gross.
No , no. Just terms, Dad. Good, that’s good. So Kyler … how about we invite him over for dinner on Friday? You want me to invite Kyler to Friday family dinner? I’m not talking about going you down the aisle. We’re going to give the kid a meal. Besides, your friend has a sleepover. It’ll be a good chance for us to get to know him. Okay. -I’ll see if he can come. -Great. You don’t have to worry about me, Dad. I can handle myself. I’m a LaRusso. That’s my girl. Jersey tough.( groovy music) Boy: Dude, right there. See on. Boy: It’s almost out. Come on.( indistinct chatter) Is it cool if I sit here? Ooh, sorry, table is actually blowing up right now.
I can put you on the wait roster, but it’s probably next semester at a very early. -Okay. -No, I’m kidding. Sit. -Miguel. -Demetri. This is Eli. He’s a man of few terms. Dude, don’t torment yourself. Those are the rich girls.
( daughters giggling) Do you ever talk to them or …? Oh, yeah, all the time. We hang out after school. Build out, render each other hand jobs. Eli here is the homecoming emperor. Gets laid more than anyone. Isn’t that right, Eli? Talk to them? You realize what table you’re sitting at, right? You’ve pretty much signed away all hopes of losing your chastity before college. Eli: Oh, shit, Yasmine’s looking at us. Likely merely making fun of me. I don’t think she’s making fun of you. I entail, just because they’re hot doesn’t mean they’re mean. Oh, my God, you guys right now. You see that guy over there who looks like he went down on a lawnmower? He’s literally wearing the ugliest sweater I’ve ever seen.( laughs) That is so wrong.
Speaking of incorrect, check out Fug-lisha. She consider this to be she ate a barbecue table.( girl laughing) Girl: Aw.( whimpers mockingly) I don’t care if Yasmine is the meanest girlfriend at academy. I’d kill both of you simply to get her to spit in my appearance. Yeah, well, if you don’t make a move, you’re never going to have a shot with her. True, but I’ll also never suffer a humiliating abandonment. I’m at peace with my depression. Last thing I need to be is suicidal.( tense music) What are you doing? Striking firstly. Oh, shit, I hope we don’t get hit with the shrapnel.
What’s up, madams?( indistinct chatter)( laughters)( sighs) Boy: Find you subsequently,’ Rhea.( laughter) So how’d it go? Johnny: You can’t strike firstly if you don’t know how to ten-strike. The cobra strike is composed of two parts– the lunge … which requires the use of the whole figure … and the bite, which is everything that happens when you are attain contact, all right? You don’t stop here where knuckle hits the bone. You punch through the bone, like the guy “youve been” want to hit is standing behind this asshole.
Align: start All right?( breath sharply, hollers) All right? Ten-strike here, you bloody his nose. Strike here, you violate his teeth. Ten-strike here, you are able severely shatter his trachea. Plainly, that’s only for extreme situations. All right, line up. -( cell phone ringing) -Focus. I want you to practice.( breaths deeply) Hyah. Keep practicing. Punch through the dummy.( ringing persists) Hello? Is this Mr. Lawrence? -Yes. -This is Carla Jenkins– the vice principal at North Hills High.
Align: start I have you rostered as an emergency contact for Robby Keene. Uh, yeah, I’m his father. But you’re supposed to call his mom. I already called her. She’s not picking up. Right, big astonish. All right, what did he do this time? We observed him with Molly. Who’s Molly? Is that some chick he’s hooking up with? It’s an illegal drug, Mr.
Lawrence. All right, throw my child on the telephone.( grunts) -What is it you people want? -Robby, what the fuck is? You’re doing drugs? You want to flush your life down the lavatory? Like you’re one to talk. Don’t try to play dad now. You’re a pathetic loser. Um, I reckon maybe I should keep trying his mother. Yeah, good luck with that. -( grunting) -What the hell’s he doing? Johnny: All right , no , no , no , no , no. You’re doing everything there is wrong.
Align: start( sighs) What is it you people want, those kids at academy to keep dumping shit on your brain? You crave all the girls to think you’re a wangless dork? Because you can stop your qualify right now and you can walk outside and let the whole world know you’re a loser. Or you can plant your paws, gaze your adversary in the eyes, and perforate him in the look! Portrait your adversary. All right, you have a scene in your psyche? What are you going to do? -( hollers) -Again! -( shouts) -Are you a loser? No, Sensei! Again!( wailing) The yanagi, or yanagi ba, depending on the region, is a bayonet used only for cutting sashimi.
Align: start I picked up this bad boy on my first journey to Okinawa. Voila. The famous … LaRusso ponzu toro. Oh , no, thanks. I don’t like sushi. Uh, are you sure you just don’t want to try a little fragment? -It melts in your mouth. -Uh , no. Fish kind of gross me out. No, you like fish. What about fishing operations lodges at school? Oh, yeah, fish lodges are dope. You have fish lodges? Uh , no, merely this fresh fish I picked up from the Japanese market this morning.
Align: start You just knowing that? Why don’t we go see if we can find Kyler something he can eat, okay? Sam, you want to come with me to the kitchen? Sure.( exhales deep, laughters) Thank you for inviting me here over, Mr. LaRusso. Um, you have a really great mansion. And I feel Sam is really cool, too. Well, thanks. She takes after her father. And listen, I never liked sushi when I was your age either. It wasn’t until I met a good friend of mine -that it began to grow on me. -Mm. He was from Okinawa. Where are your parents from? Irvine, I conceive. Irvine, right. So tell me about that shiner you got there.
Align: start Oh, this. Um … “its from” wrestling. You know, I dodged the wrong way, and I caught an elbow.( titters) It’s stupid. Is that how you hurt your hand, too? No, it’s okay. I was in my share of opposes back in senior high school. I don’t know what you’re talking about. Come on, Kyler, I know high-school kids can be bumpy. No, it wasn’t a kid. So there was a fight. Is there something going on at home? Oh , no , no , no. Um … Okay, some person at a mini mall– he merely jumped me and your best friend. -What? -Yeah. We were just at the storage, trying to get some protein bars.
Align: start And, yeah, some homeless-looking guy– he just started dedicating us a difficult time. And the next thing we are aware, he busts some karate. Karate?( stammering) Wait a time. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. What mini mall was this? Hey, Sensei, is there any specific mode you are willing to to clean these windows? No, I don’t give a shit. Whatever’s easiest. You know what? Only start clean the toilet, and we’ll call it a darknes. Okay. And do that one on your hands and knees.
( faint electronic music playing over headphones)( door buzzers jingle-jangle)( door bells jingle) Johnny: Welcome to Cobra Kai. Some things never change. Yeah, what are you talking about? I heard you beat up a bunch of teens in that parking lot out there. Oh, that. No, I didn’t beat up any adolescents. I kicked the shit out of a bunch of assholes who deserved it. Wow, Johnny Lawrence calling someone else an asshole. That’s rich, man.
Size :8 4% Yeah, what’s that supposed to mean? Look, I’m not here to rehash the past. Just stay away from my daughter’s friends. Your daughter’s friends? Yeah, that builds feel. Nice company she continues. What the hell is that supposed to mean? It necessitates those the group of friends of hers were shrieking on a kid half different sizes. Now, maybe you don’t know your daughter as well as you think you do. Get your house in order, LaRusso. Who the hell do you think you’re talking to? Miguel: Bathroom’s clean! Is there anything else you need me to do? I’m sorry, Sensei, I– Sensei? Really? Oh, my God, kid, I don’t know what he’s told you, but you shouldn’t believe a word this guy articulates, or you’re going to end up precisely like him.
Align: start You and I…this … We aren’t done.( dramatic music) I’m right here, human.( mockeries)( door bells jingle) I’m sorry if I interrupted anything, Sensei. Should I do 20 push-ups on my knuckles?( chuckles) Right, like you could.( engine moving over)( bluesy rock music) Johnny: You’ve all learned to ten-strike first.
Line: 0%( dramatic music) I’ve taught you to strike hard. But I haven’t taught you the third lesson of Cobra Kai. No mercy. The older you get, the more you’re gonna learn that life isn’t fair. Things are moving good. Everything falls apart. That’s how it goes. Life indicates no mercy. -So neither do we. -Hyah! Daniel: I feel like lately I’ve let my anger take control. It’s like ever since that dojo opened, you’ve been off. Really wish you could be here right now. Why don’t you tell me who did this? I’m ready for your lame-ass karate this time. It’s not lame-ass karate. It’s Cobra Kai. All: Yes, Sensei! God, I desire this athletic. -There’s a girl at school. -She hot? There are children from my academy who are in Cobra Kai.
Align: start That doesn’t automatically make them bad. When I’m done with you, you’re gonna be sending a message back. Remembers he can bring Cobra Kai back to the Valley? Not on my watch. What the inferno are you doing? This guy was the most difficult bully in my senior high school, and he hasn’t changed at all. Come on, Johnny! We do whatever it required in order to win! You wanna do this? Let’s go. Remember who you are. You’re Cobra Kai.
( grunts) You’re gonna regret this when it’s over. Yeah, right. Like this’ll ever comes to an end. All right, are you ready to binge-watch the entire season? All occurrences of Cobra Kai are now available. Click to the right and sign up for YouTube Red. You can try it free for 30 days ..
As found on Youtube